Conference

Pulled into conference with these

Poor, twill chairs, with these

Poor, thin hairs

I never thought He could even age.

Sat with my pad and my

Pencil at the ready, he was

Shaking and unsteady

He said he wished He had never been.

He said ‘My darling, miracles don’t exist.

‘We never alter what is happening mid-moment

‘There’s no point – if we want to change what is or isn’t

‘We just arrange it from the very start.’

So, we never know what He’s had His hand in.

My life is just things that never happened to begin with.

I’ve never protested, never

Balked at the reason

At the betraying treason

When it comes, I’ve been good as gold.

But I rather feel like the

Fellows need revealing

If it’s us that they’re stealing

Someone ought to let everyone know.

He said, ‘Go and tell her I never took the wheel

‘If divinity had issued that she be spared

‘There would’ve been no ice on the road to start

Why can’t people change for their own sake?’

I’ve got no answer, baby.

I’m Fate’s girl, not Yours.

Mouseketeer Stigmata

I believe in the Church of Disney.

I realized that nothing else really does it for me spiritually the way Disney does. And sure, you can spout off about corruption, but they're low on that totem pole compared to all the other major religions.

Going to the Parks gives me the same sense of fulfillment, peace and joy that other folks get from attending service. I can cheat at parking, but I never do so if I can afford to pay - that's my collection basket being passed around. I always throw a penny into the Cinderella Fountain, or any number of other spots - that's my lighting a candle. I have little rituals for all sorts of things there - my genuflection. And my praying the rosary is 'Por favor manténganse alejado de las puertas'. My 3 o'clock wine flight at France is my communion.

Ok, that might be a bit much, but you get the idea.

I proselytize like mad, probably as insufferably as any fundamentalist. I go there when I'm sad, when I'm afraid, when I need guidance. And, seriously, it's the only thing in my whole life that's WORKED. It's the only spiritual thing that's given me a return on my faith investment. And it was doing that before I even realized I was making a spiritual commitment.

I'm not talking about a higher power that you put your faith in, or a Creator, or divinity. Uncle Walt was mortal, and I do not ascribe his works to the formation of the Universe or the force which guides it. I mean a genuine, positive effect on my soul. It's constant, it's often given me more than I asked for, and it works.

People I admire greatly love Disney - Ray actually helped with Epcot. Gilliam praised the queues like I do. And, at its heart, it champions the values I consider most important - family, innovation, imagination, magic. It is, for me, a good place to be. It's a second home.

And that's all I've got to say about that.

Calm Down, Calm Down

I don't know if it's my being old, or just ridiculously modest, or what. But the girls in my gaming group hang out a whole lot and, occasionally, I get invited to do so as well. And I've found myself not making a huge effort to accept, because they seem to talk a LOT about sex, and I just...don't really wanna talk about that shit 24/7 anymore.

They also, apparently, talk about the dudes in our gaming group and who they find attractive and who they would date. And...what? Almost all of them are married or in a serious relationship. It sorta baffles me and makes me uncomfortable. I genuinely like the guys in our troupe, but I do not think any of them are cute or hot, and I definitely do not want to date or sleep with any of them. They're just people.

So I know it'd be a killjoy for me to say 'Nah, sorry. I just think of your husbands/fiancees/boyfriends as human beings whose company I enjoy and nothing else'. I also know it sets me apart from them, and that's awkward for me. And even moreso, were I to say 'Hey - maybe you shouldn't be talking about how attractive or dateable someone's significant other is.' Am I just totally out of touch with the younger generation? Like, is it ultimate prudery just to want to just be people chilling with people? Do we really need to bring the lipstick lesbianism and the Who Would You Do? and all that nonsense into the mix?

I chalk it up to young folks being just super horny all the time. But it's putting a damper on doing social shit with them, for me.

Grubroyal

I step, ruined, into such a sunset.

The good red and orange smoke my tatters.

He has slapped the crown from my head. I was

A Queen Once.

My kingdom unsurpassed.

Now, when I walk

The most tender shoots of grass

Bend away from my white feet

In shame. In shame.

My glory uproots and flees

I sing alone without echo or reverberation.

In the dusk, I am unpainted

And no competition for the full-blessed sky

Look, how low I step.

The ramparts are slick with disappointment.

The courtiers have not even will to laugh

Behind my back, but merely

Tuck and shrink in pity.

My palms have been wrenched clean of gilding.

My crown has been slapped off my head.

I was

A Queen Once.

In this squawking night

I pass through fainter thunder.

My arms are lilies, and snap

Down to the tip-turned mountain.

What breath I had, I stole.

What breath I had, I stole.

Sheets of escaped tribute in my

Poor, flexing fingers.

Whitemoon grieving

Tears that spill from lips, not eyes.

My throat is no longer my masterpiece

But merely his handhold.

We enact the massacre

Of an entire history

But I am orphaned

Without sisters

Bled

Dust

Mercifully, I cannot get any whiter.

A gleaming casket

That will not gleam if

I am laid in it

The lime like my flesh

Subdued and holy

Breaking my body down

To match my spirit.