State Of The Doo-nion.

N1Z continues on apace, with great success. I said the first real milestone would be to receive a submission from a total stranger - that happened yesterday. It may seem insignificant, but it means we've stepped outside our circle and the project is speaking to people we don't even know. To me, that's amazing.

I'm jumping the gun, but I found perfect e-vites for the premiere of The Boys. Whatever, I was bored and Smilebox is fun to pooter around in.

This Friday is Changeling, Sat is Vamp character creation night.

I have a full docket of writing to do - Space, 'ludes, tweaking Lots Caste. I have a new script idea, but I'm daunted by how hard it'd be to produce. It's a shame, because the images in my head get me really excited.

One thing I want to explore in N1Z is the other side of humanity - the people who find out they have less than a day to live, and decide to do some terrible stuff on their way out. I also want to write a buddy black comedy about two schmoes who work at a fire-lot, a giant space used for cremating huge quantities of Mercy Center dead and reanimated.

Who would've guessed my muse would be undead?

Verges and Converges

I'm homeless, 'Net-wise. Or transient. I'm trying to put down roots, but am unsure where they should go. What I really need to do is set something up for the N1Z people - talent, crew, viewers - to talk, but I'm not sure how to go about that. Maybe a sub-section on the 'cast forums, I guess. Ideally it'd be on the blog itself, but I'm not sure how to make that work.

Driftin'

I'm getting ready to get off of G+. I may move over to Twitter if I find I absolutely must write bites of text, but mostly I'll be here.

I like G+. It has the convenience of Twitter without the word limitation. It's just become weird to sit and read posts from people I used to be really involved with and who I now see maybe once a month for a couple of hours where we do an activity that, while I like it, is the lowest wrung of my hobby/interest ladder these days - as in, if I had to cut one thing out of my life, it'd be LARP well before 'casting or NIZ.

I just don't relate any more to that old crowd. I don't get SCA at all (my original idea of what it was excited me, then I found out what it actually was and immediately lost interest), I'm in different games than they are, and common interests beyond that are thin on the ground. Which is appropriate, as gaming is what introduced me to folks in the first place. So, reading the G+ posts constantly drives home the point that I am really different than the people in my Circles. I guess I always was, but matched-up hobbies glossed it over.

There 'tis.

As Requested

Larger image of my icon. Click for full size. I love that dress.

Confidence In Confidence Alone

I took Bailey to get her hair cut yesterday and she got at least seven or eight inches taken off. When it was done and styled, she pranced out of the chair, flipped her hair and said - 'I look AMAZING'. She spent the next two hours talking about how wonderful she looked and felt; it wasn't conceit or ego, just effusive delight. I got her a new outfit to go with the new look. She was in heaven.

Beyond the basic food, shelter and love needs, I've had one thing I wanted to make sure she always possessed, and that's self-confidence. I fought her whole life to ensure she always felt like a worthwhile human being; that she felt beautiful, smart, capable and kind. It does my heart good to know she looks in the mirror and, while not seeing perfection, sees an image of which she is proud and pleased. I am gratified that the bombardment of media and peers and everything else did not shake her foundation of self-worth. There were times when it was an uphill battle, but to hear her say 'I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty darn happy about my looks' makes it all worth it.

Crazy Ass Moms

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/03/04/1070800/-I-ve-spent-the-past-2-days-trying-to-convince-my-16-y-o-she-is-not-a-slut

Fuck's sake, woman. How about you DON'T have a hysterical breakdown in front of your poor, traumatized kid? Just a suggestion. Then, maybe she could deal with this kind of thing with some tiny snip of calm sensibility, and have some faith her mother is strong enough not to fall to pieces and take care of her.

Haters Gonna Hate

The idea of not letting naysayers get you down is an old one, and I think it's a valid one in a lot of ways. But, the Internet has spawned this bizarre aura of imperviousness with the above phrase that seems to do some damage, too. I think haters serve a very useful purpose - they put things in perspective.

I dunno where all the fucking humility has gone these days, and I wish it'd come back. It seems that everyone is either an egocentric douche or a  low-self-esteem mess. In both these instances, any whiff of criticism sparks drama: the douches point and declare you a 'hater', and the fragile sensitives see it as a personal affront and guilt you into feeling like Satan for mentioning it.

Haters remind us not to take ourselves too seriously, for good or ill. While their comments should not be considered the defining opinion of you or what you're doing, it's not bad to see that you're not fabulous to every single person on the planet and that the opinions you have, the things you do, and the way you are aren't all perfect. And, rather than let that send you into a spiral of self-castigation or make you put up blinders, it should temper your self-awareness into something a little more humble. Ideally, it should also give you a sense of humor about yourself and your life, but that's a little harder to achieve.

I'm a big fan of recognizing absurdity in people and myself. I really enjoy stepping back a moment and seeing the big picture and looking at myself from different angles. I have various social groups, and it's interesting how they each (if they're aware of the other) sees the other ones as weird, lame or ridiculous. It shows me that it's the insular nature of those groups that keep perspective at bay. And I have friends who take steps back, too, to look at it and laugh ("THIS is what I'm spending my Friday night doing" comes out from all sides on occasion).

As for BEING a Hater (and I am, believe me), I wouldn't do it if I wasn't able to rotate that ol' mirror 'round at myself, too. In fact, I tend to hate hardest on the things of which I am a part (by 'hate', I mean mock or criticize). That doesn't mean I don't enjoy being a part of them, but I am someone who NEEDS that grain of salt, so I don't start getting too big a head.

With all this comes perspective on top of perspective - this post sounds all official and full of surety, but I know I still have occasions where a troll will make me rage or cry, or I'll dismiss someone's criticism with that catch-all word 'Hater'. I'm not as wise or cool as I want to be, but I'm working on it.