The Monkey

Bailey and I were driving home from Disney yesterday and, as usual, she had the iPod and was selecting our playlist for the drive. Her song selections were amazing. I'm not sure where to start with all my thoughts for this. She played Paul Simon's 'The Obvious Child' and Harry Belafonte and the Muppet's 'Turn The World Around' to start. Even if you don't listen to them, read the lyrics.

What were you listening to at 16? I know I was listening to Tori and NIN mostly. The music I clung to was angry, bitter, anguished shit. Mostly angry. Music of rebellion and angst. You know - teenager music.

Bailey's music is, if not all happy, thoughtful and hopeful. I was amazed to realize as we drove - not a single song she loves is mean or tragic or angsty. She likes a few popular tripe songs (and recognizes them as such), but that's fine; I like that she's not totally alienated from her peer culture.

Her favorite song right now is Billy Joel's 'River of Dreams' . I think it really resonates with her. She sings along with it with such investment. It's not a happy song; it's a song about being lost. BUT, unlike songs about being lost that talk about how fucked up it is to be so, or how they'll never find they're way out of the mess they're in and are giving up, this song talks about being lost as a journey rather than a finality. It's actually a pretty spot-on song for adolescence.

I dunno where I'm going with this post. Maybe just to articulate how I love that the songs she connects the most to aren't angry or sad; they're wise and hopeful. That makes me happy.

Frou Frou Gamer Girl

Just read this article and found it spot-on. On another level, I think it's why I champion avant-garde games. I totally understand I am a pretentious piece of shit with my love of artsy fartsy games. I know it's pretty insufferable, and I do try to keep my blathering about it to a minimum. But the article resonates with me and links in with how I love experimental games.

I truly believe games can be art, just like films or music. I don't think many of them are, but they have the ability to cross over into that designation. I consider Tale of Tales to have made games that are art. There needs to be intention there - the devs need to consciously route their game toward art rather than simply entertainment. I'll also risk pissing off both the art community and the gaming community by suggesting that even some mainstream games like Spec Ops: The Line can at least dip a toe into the 'art' category.

I think that art, generally, needs to be an expression or reflection of the artist's mind or soul. Reading interviews with game developers, that criteria is sometimes very much met. And it's why I'll checkmark Spec Ops, but not BioShock. Both have 'deeper' messages and both take you on an emotional journey, but the former was a deliberate expression of the creator's beliefs, and the latter was just very cool storytelling. Not all of Tale of Tales' games send a message (The Path certainly does though), but all of them showcase the creator's self in some regard.

And so I get super excited when a game that revolves around sitting and waiting for your dinner date to arrive is released; not because I think it will be amazing, or fun, but because it's another attempt to make a game as a legitimate piece of art. The devs even suggest a specific wine to drink while you play the game. I love that. And I realize that makes me a sorta gamer beatnik and that's so obnoxious, but I can't help it.

Feeling Good

I was on jury selection for three bloody days, so I had a lot of time on my hands. I realized that my Google Drive app had stored all my Buzz posts, so I went back and re-read them.

Let me tell you something: I cannot even measure how much better LARP is out of the Cam and out of Therapy now that I'm doing Dreams.

I lost count of all the angry, frustrated, helpless posts I made. I cannot believe I stayed so long in groups that allowed bullies, assholes and creepsters to play, even after the vast majority of people continually complained about them. I posted, way back, something along the lines of 'Yes, I'd rather have a benevolent dictatorship than a terrible democracy'. At the time, I was referring to the fact that I'd prefer two of the Big Gamers, Jake and Lana, to have control of the Domain (because they made it awesome and worked their butts off) than to have 'plebians' control it en masse  and not do a lick of work and tie everything up in red tape. It now applies beautifully to Dreams.

The games now are wonderful. They're cooperative. They're fun. They're full of drama and/or wackiness, and people care about other folks' characters' stories. We had one dude who was continually PvPing for no reason whatsoever, constantly disrupting scenes, trying to steal all the plot for himself and creeping on the female players. We talked to him OOC. We offered to help him make a character that wouldn't always be an asshole. We asked all the players to air their grievances against him - right out in the open, on the SAME NIGHT it happened. We gave him several games to change. We did all of that, and when nothing changed, we told him this was not the right group for him and he left. It was such a reversal of everything I'd experienced, I nearly broke down into tears when I realized I never again would have to tolerate that sort of crap in a game I played in.

People in Dreams are honest about ST input, and often give very solid criticism, which our ST accepts and thanks them for. Our ST never puts his 'vision' of game before the PCs' stories. We all want the other characters to get Extra Special Cool Stuff, because we don't have to worry it'll be used to kill our PCs, and can actually help us, since we're all in it together. Not everyone is in love with everyone OOC, but we're all responsible players and can still get together and have a good game.

And it will stay this way, because I and the other staff/STs are committed to ensuring it does, and we have to power to back that commitment. The group is not for everyone. It's way low on mechanics, it often spits in the face of canon for the sake of story, and it has zero PvP. But for those people who want this kind of experience, we can guarantee giving it to them.

I've had this for iLARPs (man, did I have it - so good), but I was skeptical it could ever be achieved in a regular game. I am very happy my doubts weren't proved true.

I had some wonderful times in the Cam and Therapy; I really did. And without them, I'd never have the chops to run my own troupe, not in a million years. There were people in both that I thought ran/played in the games superbly. There were some incredibly good game nights. But there were also horrible moments, when there shouldn't have been. Not in a LARP group. It could have been all good and no bad - I know this now because I'm experiencing it.

And we're just getting started, so there's so much more to try.

Dreams, I ruv you.