I need to stop...reading shit. I do. It just pisses me off.
I am a pitiless being in so many ways, and it's totally subjective. I base everyone's experiences on my own and I judge people based on my own shit. It's graceless and tacky and nasty, but...for fuck's sake, if THEY can get petted and soothed and placated for the 'wrong' feelings they have from their personal traumas, why the fuck can't I?
I've been raped and molested. I've been a stripper. I've had an abortion and more than one miscarriage. I've battled depression my whole life. I've got Daddy issues. I was bullied. I've got enough baggage to fill a 747 luggage compartment, and plenty of bad shit in my past.
And it pisses me the FUCK off when people can't get over their crap.
I mean, legitimate fury. And I think I just figured out why:
The squeaky wheel gets the oil.
It's the people who won't get over their shit that get the attention, the support, the encouragement, the validation. Those of us who fought tooth and nail to rise above whatever fuckery slammed into us don't. We just don't. Sure, that's logical - once you're out of the pit, you don't need a hand up, right? You made it. Help is for those who are still down there, drowning. And yes, yes that's reasonable.
But they have all sorts of unreasonable feelings, and so do I. I'm ashamed of women who have trigger words. I'm ashamed of chicks who take a year to recover from a miscarriage. I'm embarrassed for people who won't get on the meds they need or get therapy when they say themselves that they need it but are 'stuck in a downward spiral'. I kind of want to punch them all in the face. Hard.
All that shit is real, and super serious, and I absolutely believe people go through legitimate misery when they occur. I know I sure did. And most if it is shit that stays with you forever in some way. I am not saying a woman who gets raped in an alley should stand up, brush off her skirt, and keep strolling along. I am just pissed and ashamed people continue to allow those things to fuck with them after a while. Knock that crap off. Make that kind of bullshit UN.AC.CEPT.ABLE.
Here's the thing - I am not a special case. I'm not. If anything, the chips are stacked against me because I'm a very sensitive (not in the cool artist way, but in the annoying tread-on-eggshells way) person. I'm not particularly strong emotionally. And I say this because everything I got through and over, took ridiculous amounts of work. And it sucked. But if I can do it, anyone can. I am not special. I'm a melodramatic attention whore and I STILL don't fly to pieces when someone says the word 'banana' because it reminds me of a penis.
It's unreasonable. I know. But doesn't anyone ever check themselves and say 'I am no longer willing for this to be a daily issue' and then DO something about it?? Or are there plenty of people who do, and I just don't know about it because they, like me, aren't squeaking? Are we all just crawling silently up out of our pits? I hope so.
