I am not a normal chick, in a very uncool, unquirky and irritating way. I have these eccentricities that make no sense and I get that, and I try to think outside my own retardations, but it's really difficult sometime.
I was a drama queen for a long time, and it did a whole lot of damage to me in ways I won't go into. But I mention it because, now, it's made it so that I don't talk about my emotional stuff. With anyone. Ever. Unless it's going to affect people directly, I do not let anyone know when I'm having problems. I just can't. I feel ashamed and weird and it makes things worse rather than better.
And I don't want people to ask me about how I'm doing. I don't want anyone involved, and I just wanna hermit myself and deal with it on my own, and resurface when I can be vivacious and fit for general consumption again.
I know that's not the usual run of things for most folks. When they're struggling, they want support and help and, truthfully, that's the right way to feel. I know this because when someone I care for is having a rough go, I WANT to go help and support them. But then I get paralyzed, because what if they're like me and they wanna be left alone and I'm making things worse by asking what's up?
Kyle says the solution is just to say 'Yo, I'm here, lemme know if I can help', but I worry that's not enough. Like, what if they're waiting for someone to ask what's wrong, or to just go and start helping? What if just saying 'I'm here if you need me' makes me seem like I only cursorily care? What if that's not enough? Arrgh.
I don't wanna pry into people's business. I absolutely do not. Whatever they do, they do, it's cool. But I do want to help if I can help with stuff. Oi. I am weird. It sucks.
