Grubroyal

I step, ruined, into such a sunset.

The good red and orange smoke my tatters.

He has slapped the crown from my head. I was

A Queen Once.

My kingdom unsurpassed.

Now, when I walk

The most tender shoots of grass

Bend away from my white feet

In shame. In shame.

My glory uproots and flees

I sing alone without echo or reverberation.

In the dusk, I am unpainted

And no competition for the full-blessed sky

Look, how low I step.

The ramparts are slick with disappointment.

The courtiers have not even will to laugh

Behind my back, but merely

Tuck and shrink in pity.

My palms have been wrenched clean of gilding.

My crown has been slapped off my head.

I was

A Queen Once.

In this squawking night

I pass through fainter thunder.

My arms are lilies, and snap

Down to the tip-turned mountain.

What breath I had, I stole.

What breath I had, I stole.

Sheets of escaped tribute in my

Poor, flexing fingers.

Whitemoon grieving

Tears that spill from lips, not eyes.

My throat is no longer my masterpiece

But merely his handhold.

We enact the massacre

Of an entire history

But I am orphaned

Without sisters

Bled

Dust

Mercifully, I cannot get any whiter.

A gleaming casket

That will not gleam if

I am laid in it

The lime like my flesh

Subdued and holy

Breaking my body down

To match my spirit.

The Two Little Girls

"This is unfair. I'm dying. I don't need to be here," she said in weak, raspy protest.

The girl looked at her counterpart with luminous, blue eyes that almost competed with the eight in the other's head. "You are closer to me than you've ever been," Promise said. "'The good news of suffering is that it brings us to the end of ourselves - a purpose it has certainly served in my life. It brings us to the place of honesty, which is the place of desperation, which is the place of faith, which is the place of freedom.' Tchividjian."

Pelinora narrowed her eyes. "Don't quote at me. You don't even know what you're saying. You're a sieve that catches...oh, I don't even know what you catch. At any rate, go away. Let me die in peace."

"You'd not let yourself do that, were I here or no. The flutters of by-gones have gone by. I would know. I've been separated from my beloved, too."

"Then why are you here? You've been in absentia for years. What made you crawl out of your faded-lace grave?" Pel shuddered, moaned softly in pain. "This is wretched."

"You are me without the fever; now, I am you with the fever." Promise watched the Lost serenely.

"You're a doll," Pel bit

"So are you."

"Hardly. Hardly. Go away." Pel tried to stand, fell back down. Swallowed the dust in her throat.

"You are a doll. Only, you have a pull string and when someone tugs it, you spew know-it-all-isms. It's all right. I wish I could do so. My strings are around my wrists and throat and ankles. I don't spew. I jangle dance."

"This is madness." Pel closed her eyes. "And I haven't time for madness anymore."

"You exhumed me. I was at peace," Promise noted. "So here is my advice: promote yourself."

Pelinora shook her head weakly. "No. Never again."

"I didn't mean it that way. I meant - give yourself a higher position. With benefits."

"How?" Pel peeked at the Toreador.

"Go and play. Show Autumn you are its avatar."

Pelinora smiled, and Promise shivered.

The Monkey

Bailey and I were driving home from Disney yesterday and, as usual, she had the iPod and was selecting our playlist for the drive. Her song selections were amazing. I'm not sure where to start with all my thoughts for this. She played Paul Simon's 'The Obvious Child' and Harry Belafonte and the Muppet's 'Turn The World Around' to start. Even if you don't listen to them, read the lyrics.

What were you listening to at 16? I know I was listening to Tori and NIN mostly. The music I clung to was angry, bitter, anguished shit. Mostly angry. Music of rebellion and angst. You know - teenager music.

Bailey's music is, if not all happy, thoughtful and hopeful. I was amazed to realize as we drove - not a single song she loves is mean or tragic or angsty. She likes a few popular tripe songs (and recognizes them as such), but that's fine; I like that she's not totally alienated from her peer culture.

Her favorite song right now is Billy Joel's 'River of Dreams' . I think it really resonates with her. She sings along with it with such investment. It's not a happy song; it's a song about being lost. BUT, unlike songs about being lost that talk about how fucked up it is to be so, or how they'll never find they're way out of the mess they're in and are giving up, this song talks about being lost as a journey rather than a finality. It's actually a pretty spot-on song for adolescence.

I dunno where I'm going with this post. Maybe just to articulate how I love that the songs she connects the most to aren't angry or sad; they're wise and hopeful. That makes me happy.

Frou Frou Gamer Girl

Just read this article and found it spot-on. On another level, I think it's why I champion avant-garde games. I totally understand I am a pretentious piece of shit with my love of artsy fartsy games. I know it's pretty insufferable, and I do try to keep my blathering about it to a minimum. But the article resonates with me and links in with how I love experimental games.

I truly believe games can be art, just like films or music. I don't think many of them are, but they have the ability to cross over into that designation. I consider Tale of Tales to have made games that are art. There needs to be intention there - the devs need to consciously route their game toward art rather than simply entertainment. I'll also risk pissing off both the art community and the gaming community by suggesting that even some mainstream games like Spec Ops: The Line can at least dip a toe into the 'art' category.

I think that art, generally, needs to be an expression or reflection of the artist's mind or soul. Reading interviews with game developers, that criteria is sometimes very much met. And it's why I'll checkmark Spec Ops, but not BioShock. Both have 'deeper' messages and both take you on an emotional journey, but the former was a deliberate expression of the creator's beliefs, and the latter was just very cool storytelling. Not all of Tale of Tales' games send a message (The Path certainly does though), but all of them showcase the creator's self in some regard.

And so I get super excited when a game that revolves around sitting and waiting for your dinner date to arrive is released; not because I think it will be amazing, or fun, but because it's another attempt to make a game as a legitimate piece of art. The devs even suggest a specific wine to drink while you play the game. I love that. And I realize that makes me a sorta gamer beatnik and that's so obnoxious, but I can't help it.

Feeling Good

I was on jury selection for three bloody days, so I had a lot of time on my hands. I realized that my Google Drive app had stored all my Buzz posts, so I went back and re-read them.

Let me tell you something: I cannot even measure how much better LARP is out of the Cam and out of Therapy now that I'm doing Dreams.

I lost count of all the angry, frustrated, helpless posts I made. I cannot believe I stayed so long in groups that allowed bullies, assholes and creepsters to play, even after the vast majority of people continually complained about them. I posted, way back, something along the lines of 'Yes, I'd rather have a benevolent dictatorship than a terrible democracy'. At the time, I was referring to the fact that I'd prefer two of the Big Gamers, Jake and Lana, to have control of the Domain (because they made it awesome and worked their butts off) than to have 'plebians' control it en masse  and not do a lick of work and tie everything up in red tape. It now applies beautifully to Dreams.

The games now are wonderful. They're cooperative. They're fun. They're full of drama and/or wackiness, and people care about other folks' characters' stories. We had one dude who was continually PvPing for no reason whatsoever, constantly disrupting scenes, trying to steal all the plot for himself and creeping on the female players. We talked to him OOC. We offered to help him make a character that wouldn't always be an asshole. We asked all the players to air their grievances against him - right out in the open, on the SAME NIGHT it happened. We gave him several games to change. We did all of that, and when nothing changed, we told him this was not the right group for him and he left. It was such a reversal of everything I'd experienced, I nearly broke down into tears when I realized I never again would have to tolerate that sort of crap in a game I played in.

People in Dreams are honest about ST input, and often give very solid criticism, which our ST accepts and thanks them for. Our ST never puts his 'vision' of game before the PCs' stories. We all want the other characters to get Extra Special Cool Stuff, because we don't have to worry it'll be used to kill our PCs, and can actually help us, since we're all in it together. Not everyone is in love with everyone OOC, but we're all responsible players and can still get together and have a good game.

And it will stay this way, because I and the other staff/STs are committed to ensuring it does, and we have to power to back that commitment. The group is not for everyone. It's way low on mechanics, it often spits in the face of canon for the sake of story, and it has zero PvP. But for those people who want this kind of experience, we can guarantee giving it to them.

I've had this for iLARPs (man, did I have it - so good), but I was skeptical it could ever be achieved in a regular game. I am very happy my doubts weren't proved true.

I had some wonderful times in the Cam and Therapy; I really did. And without them, I'd never have the chops to run my own troupe, not in a million years. There were people in both that I thought ran/played in the games superbly. There were some incredibly good game nights. But there were also horrible moments, when there shouldn't have been. Not in a LARP group. It could have been all good and no bad - I know this now because I'm experiencing it.

And we're just getting started, so there's so much more to try.

Dreams, I ruv you.

Supper Club at 'Kesh

Tonight I had the amazing pleasure of dining at 'Kesh's new supper club event. It was unreal. I have not had a dining experience at that level, food-wise, since Victoria & Albert's and, unlike V&A's, it was comfortable, unpretentious and relaxed.

Bailey and I went, and we were greeted by the waitstaff with a glass of champagne (me) and a glass of sparkling cherry-cranberry (Bailey). The restaurant looked lovely, definitely a change from the usual casualness.

As we mingled with the other diners, nine of us total, we were served canapes. (You can click to enlarge any of the photos.)

Roast whole fig with Gorgonzola, candied bacon and dehydrated honey crumbles.

We also had a hand-made pork shumai which was killer, and prosciutto-wrapped chorizo with jalapeno. 

When we were seated, the waitstaff exchanged mine and Bailey's white napkins for black, as we were wearing black pants and this would ensure no white lint got on them (so classy). It was time for first course.

·         Chinese Red Rice Crusted Sea Scallop

·         Truffled edamame broth

This was paired with a white wine. The scallop was medium-rare and the garnish was organic Thai basil. Absolutely delicious. The broth was my favorite, though. The bit of red is a touch of chili. So good.

Second course:

·         Pan Grilled Farmers Cheese with Crispy Pork Belly

·         Baby greens salad with cured olive vinaigrette

Jerry said, "Believe it or not, this IS your salad course. There's some greens on the plate." The pork was fantastic. Our pairing for this course was a small glass of Indian coriander ale. I've never had beer like that before and, honestly, it was the first time I felt a true 'pairing' with the food and alcohol. Taking a sip of the ale after a bite of the port was transcendental. The coriander was perfect. 

Third course:

·         Fire & Ice 

·         Watermelon and Ahi tuna ice cubes, white Balsamic-jalapeno syrup

This was the fun course! The plate was set down in front of me and I could immediately hear something that sounded like sizzling, like water on a hot stone. See those little specks on the plate? Those are watermelon Pop Rocks. It made the whole dish come alive and really turned it into Fire & Ice. The tuna was ice-cold and fresh and delicious. 

Fourth course:

·         Moroccan Lollipop Lamb Chops

·         Inside-out couscous roll, spiced tomato chutney

You can't go wrong with lamb chops. These were done to perfection, medium-rare, and marinated in this unbelievable blend of Moroccan spices. The couscous' texture was spot on. Normally I hate the grittiness of couscous, but this was delicious. The chutney's sweetness actually went beautifully with the lamb. We had a nice red with this course.

Dessert:

·         Goat Cheese Fritters

·         Jicama-pear shot and raspberry coulis

This was...there are no words. Every single one of us let out a noise of utter ecstasy when we had the first bite, then cracked up at each other. Jerry told us that the word 'jicama' literally translated means 'vendor's choice'. The markets (souqs) in Morocco have spice vendors and you can ask them for their choice, and they'll put together a blend for you with anywhere from 20 to 30 different herbs and spices. The blend added to this pear shot had 22, I believe, and he got it on his last trip to Morocco. The fritters were like nothing I have ever eaten. The cheese was mild and not salty, almost like a thicker, chewier blintz. Holy mother. It was insane.

What a wonderful, wonderful night. I am absolutely going to the next one I can. Jerry is running them every other Saturday. If you are local, you MUST DO THIS. Book fast, word is already spreading and seats are limited.

I Will Never Be On Facebook

Skipping about from passiveaggressivenotes.com, I found a site called STFUParents, showcasing all the annoying shit parents foist on people via (I assume at least majorly) social media. There was an excerpt:

Over the years, and especially since Unbaby.me came along, more parents have tried to limit the number of pictures they post of their kids on Facebook. I’ve had friends post baby pictures with captions like “Last one!” or with disclaimers like “Warning: Huge family vacation album!” that sound almost apologetic.

This makes me sad. First, there's an actual website that replaces photos of your FB friends' babies with pictures of bacon. It has 107,000 likes on Facebook. Do you know why over a hundred-thousand folks support the idea of changing your family photos to pictures of bacon? Because your Facebook friends are not really friends of yours.

I hate Facebook for so many reasons, not the least of which is this nonsense. Why on Earth would you keep in contact with someone whose life you don't give a crap about, to the point where you'll willfully download an install a program to change the pictures they post into something you find more interesting (like bacon)? Why be 'friends' with someone whose child you don't want to look at? And why on Earth would you be on a social media site where you feel you have to apologize for posting pictures of the most important people in your existence, because you're aware some of your 'friends' are going to be bored/annoyed?

I can't do it. I can't pretend I care about someone's daily life when I don't, and I can't manage the audacity to believe anyone but my family and actual, daily-interactions friends care or want to hear about MY life. I have three friggin' people subscribed to this blog, and one of them I'm pretty sure did it accidentally. I don't want someone to replace a picture of Bailey with some bacon. I don't want to get into an argument about gay marriage with my sister's friend's boyfriend that I've never laid eyes on, or have some random ex find me.

On the downside is the fact that I am notoriously bad about 'staying in touch'. I think it's because I disagree with the notion that if you stop talking to someone every day, you must hate them. I've fallen out of touch with many, many people because of moves or schedules or they or I leaving the hobby/workplace where we got most of our interaction. I don't hate them; I'm just as fond of them as I ever was and it's a treat to see them or hear from them. I just don't get personally offended when they don't call or visit. I don't think it means they hate me, or they're not my friend. And I guess I always am a little baffled when they do get offended or upset when I don't keep in touch. I realize I'm in the minority on this, and it may screw me more than I know.

But, yeah. Babies into bacon. Fuck Facebook.