Test of Mettle

We lost our Eleanor; not sure if she bailed for the reason she told us (mom is sick) or if it's something else. I've been fighting for months to find someone. We had rehearsal slated, were going to have almost all the cast here to do read-throughs, we started blocking and now...pfft. Back on hold. And by the time we're greenlit again, we may have lost our make-up artist. Very, very discouraging.

Started the new script today. I'm struggling. I can't do comedy. I've never tried, I have no clue how it works and I'm really self-conscious about it. I had to make the characters at least semi-intelligent because I don't think I can  manage it any other way. Right now, my goal is to make them charming. Making them funny may have to come later in re-writes, and with help. Maybe they'll start talking to me now that I've given then names.

The Boys still isn't uploaded - we've had problem after problem. I'm frustrated. Making movies, I've come to realize, is like having constant iCurses. Things never go smoothly and only get completed because you slog through stuff and force it to work. All the elation from the premiere, all the people calling to say 'I had no idea it'd be that good' seems to've fizzled out. We're losing what enthusiasm we had from people because nothing's going up. The Boys should have been on YouTube last Saturday. It's costing more than I think people realize to keep delaying. I look at the NIZ site and realize I've nothing to say. That's not good.

Sometimes Muses need a Muse. That ain't happening, though. So, off I go to try and crank out one more page of a script.

State Of The Doo-nion.

N1Z continues on apace, with great success. I said the first real milestone would be to receive a submission from a total stranger - that happened yesterday. It may seem insignificant, but it means we've stepped outside our circle and the project is speaking to people we don't even know. To me, that's amazing.

I'm jumping the gun, but I found perfect e-vites for the premiere of The Boys. Whatever, I was bored and Smilebox is fun to pooter around in.

This Friday is Changeling, Sat is Vamp character creation night.

I have a full docket of writing to do - Space, 'ludes, tweaking Lots Caste. I have a new script idea, but I'm daunted by how hard it'd be to produce. It's a shame, because the images in my head get me really excited.

One thing I want to explore in N1Z is the other side of humanity - the people who find out they have less than a day to live, and decide to do some terrible stuff on their way out. I also want to write a buddy black comedy about two schmoes who work at a fire-lot, a giant space used for cremating huge quantities of Mercy Center dead and reanimated.

Who would've guessed my muse would be undead?

Verges and Converges

I'm homeless, 'Net-wise. Or transient. I'm trying to put down roots, but am unsure where they should go. What I really need to do is set something up for the N1Z people - talent, crew, viewers - to talk, but I'm not sure how to go about that. Maybe a sub-section on the 'cast forums, I guess. Ideally it'd be on the blog itself, but I'm not sure how to make that work.

Driftin'

I'm getting ready to get off of G+. I may move over to Twitter if I find I absolutely must write bites of text, but mostly I'll be here.

I like G+. It has the convenience of Twitter without the word limitation. It's just become weird to sit and read posts from people I used to be really involved with and who I now see maybe once a month for a couple of hours where we do an activity that, while I like it, is the lowest wrung of my hobby/interest ladder these days - as in, if I had to cut one thing out of my life, it'd be LARP well before 'casting or NIZ.

I just don't relate any more to that old crowd. I don't get SCA at all (my original idea of what it was excited me, then I found out what it actually was and immediately lost interest), I'm in different games than they are, and common interests beyond that are thin on the ground. Which is appropriate, as gaming is what introduced me to folks in the first place. So, reading the G+ posts constantly drives home the point that I am really different than the people in my Circles. I guess I always was, but matched-up hobbies glossed it over.

There 'tis.

As Requested

Larger image of my icon. Click for full size. I love that dress.

Confidence In Confidence Alone

I took Bailey to get her hair cut yesterday and she got at least seven or eight inches taken off. When it was done and styled, she pranced out of the chair, flipped her hair and said - 'I look AMAZING'. She spent the next two hours talking about how wonderful she looked and felt; it wasn't conceit or ego, just effusive delight. I got her a new outfit to go with the new look. She was in heaven.

Beyond the basic food, shelter and love needs, I've had one thing I wanted to make sure she always possessed, and that's self-confidence. I fought her whole life to ensure she always felt like a worthwhile human being; that she felt beautiful, smart, capable and kind. It does my heart good to know she looks in the mirror and, while not seeing perfection, sees an image of which she is proud and pleased. I am gratified that the bombardment of media and peers and everything else did not shake her foundation of self-worth. There were times when it was an uphill battle, but to hear her say 'I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty darn happy about my looks' makes it all worth it.

Crazy Ass Moms

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/03/04/1070800/-I-ve-spent-the-past-2-days-trying-to-convince-my-16-y-o-she-is-not-a-slut

Fuck's sake, woman. How about you DON'T have a hysterical breakdown in front of your poor, traumatized kid? Just a suggestion. Then, maybe she could deal with this kind of thing with some tiny snip of calm sensibility, and have some faith her mother is strong enough not to fall to pieces and take care of her.